This Week In Pinko Commie Central (AKA Toronto)

This week, we kick off our rundown of stories with former Tory adviser and University of Calgary Professor Tom Flanagan's comments from a seminar at the University of Lethbridge (that's Calgary Junior), regarding child pornography:

“A lot of people on my side of the spectrum, the conservative side of the spectrum, have been on kind of a jihad against pornography and child pornography in particular. And I certainly have no sympathy for child molesters, but I do have some grave doubts about putting people in jail because of their taste in pictures..."

Wait.

Wait, seriously?

He SAID that?

Oh my god. Oh my god. This is...this a goldmine. This is just...ok, ok...just breathe...oh man, so many jokes to make! Such a gaffe! Such lack of tact! Ok, do we roll the Vic Toews' clip? Photoshop him breaking down Flanagan's door? OR! OR! We can mix this with the story about NASA's "monster black hole", and make like the comments have literally caused Canadian political discourse to IMPLODE IN ON ITSELF!!! OMG!!! THIS MAN IS JUST SO RIDICULOUS!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT! TOO FUNNY!!!!!! TOO-

...

We apologize for the outburst. Remarks of Professor Flanagan's nature are a rarity, and we should take time to appreciate the gift they give to the world of comedy. This blog will take care to handle them with the care they deserve in the future. We now return to our regular rundown.

Commentators from both sides of the anglo/franco political spectrum are condemning a recent Quebec language crackdown that saw several items on an Italian restaurant's menu singled out for rephrasing. These included such common colloquial terms as "pasta", "calamari" and "antipasti". Of greater concern is the larger effect this will have on re-released DVD sales of The Sopranos:

"There's an old Italian saying: La rondelle ne oulre pas pour lui."
"Wait, what?"

"YOU HEARD ME."

In charming cutesy news, the United Nations went to the dogs in a miniature recreation of the world assembly populated by a variety of Dachshunds. Tina Rasmussen, Artistic Director of the Harbourfront Centre's World Stage 2013 programs, explains that the piece is "...a powerful, profound piece of work but it's kooky on the surface." The project, according to Rasmussen, asks tough questions, like "What does it mean when China is asleep or when Chile is aggressive." Well, it pretty much means that you have a bunch of Dachshunds cooped in a room together, but there's no denying it's damn cute.

While their may be no clear weiner amongst the delegates, we all come away weiners.

"What does it mean when China is asleep or when Chile is aggressive," - See more at: http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Woof+member+Dachshund+installation+opens+Toronto/8032026/story.html#sthash.Qw1sF6gy.dpuf

Turning to science(-y) news, Millionaire and all-around eccentric personality Dennis Tito is courting candidates for a jolly jaunt to our red planetary neighbour. The two lucky people are required to be past child-bearing age, because, ya know...stuff. The project has attracted a lot of attention from aerospace and astrophysics professionals both publicly and privately, including MIT aerospace engineering professor Jeff Hoffman, who said “Since they don’t plan to land on Mars, it’s really a question of keeping people alive for 501 days in space, which is not an impossible task.”

Finally, as the latest Oscar Awards begin to move into society's collective memory as nothing more than a bad dream, we must take time to hash out who we love and who we hate.

A quick reference:

- Anne Hathaway is uncool (except her pointy nipples, which are merely tolerated)

- Jennifer Lawrence is way cool, which means falling down is all the rage provided you get a standing ovation for it.

- Quentin Tarantino will always be a talented douchebag.

- Jaws' Theme Music is useful for overriding opinions you don't care about.