(Readers: the following is a work of fiction intended for satirical purposes. It is in no way meant to resemble any real life individual or group of individuals. Consider it, if you will, as a cautionary tale for what not to do in a Cover Letter. If this does resemble you...stop it. Please. We have families)
Dear
Lucky Person,
Today
you are going to embark on an adventures. In your hands you hold a
story of thrilling thrills, wonderful amazment and heart-stopping
action. This manuscript is my novel, called "Bloodsucking Deadheads from The Bayou" (all rights reserved copyright punishable by law).
Right
now you're be asking yourself, “how can they assume this?” Well,
let me tell you about myself and you will understand.
I was born the youngest of three children to a poor family. I was taught that in order to get anywhere in life you had to do it yourself.
For
years now I have been working in the private secter, gaining
knowledge of peoples lives. I have met many exciting people, and
they have been touched by me and I have been touched by them. First,
I met a man who was once cursed by a voodoo shaman in Louisiana. I
thought “that is so strange! But true to life!” The oddness
spoke to me and I wanted to hear more. Then, I met a woman as well
who inspired my lead character. She told me about the time she had
to leave her son, and it was so touching I knew that it would touch
you too, so I immediately talked to her for hours and absorbed
everything and wrote it down for the future.
Through
that, I have realized that stories are what surround us and drive us
onward. Eventually, I quit my job and began writing.
What
you hold now is the result of that writing. You have the opportunity
to put this story into life.
I
humbly am asking for you to publish my book, for an advance of
$10,000 with a 15% cut of all royalties. I think you will agree this
is a modest sum for such a work of artistic integraty as this.
I
am currently waiting to hear back from many other publishers who have
been deeply moved by this book but do not provide the level of
satisfaction I know I would get with you, so I am contacting you now
in the hopes that you will be able to beat them to the punch because
I know you are people of taste.
I
would like to hear back within a week because I do not want to keep
these other people waiting so please reply within a week to ensure
you do not miss out on my story.
God
bless!
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