The CaNerdian

Author. Designer. Canadian. Nerd.
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First off, a little background information.

As a writer, I'm still very much in the infant stages of what I hope will one day resemble a career.  I'm not merely talking skill level or number of publications, but also in terms of maturity and level of commitment.  I'm hovering at the edge of trying to make time for writing on a full-time basis, reluctantly  holding back for fear of financial obligations and practicality.

Cherry Estates was a challenge for me to attempt to write (more or less) every day.  In addition, I wanted to try something I'd never really done before:  to write something scary.

With regards to writing every day, this was actually pretty successful.  In terms of volume, it clocked in at just under 15,000 words.  With this taking about 35 days to finish, that makes just under 500 words per day (just shy of 2 double-spaced pages).  For comparison's sake, NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month, demands a goal of 50,000 words over 30 days (about 1,666 words per day).  Stephen King claims to write 2,000 words per day,  saying that "only under dire circumstances do I allow myself to shut down before I get my 2,000 words".

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Blackout at Cherry Estates:  Part VIII

It was darker up there, impossibly so.  Everything natural would say that it should be no more or less pitch black than the rest of the building, yet somehow the third floor conveyed an altogether unsettling feeling that threw nature right out the door.

Ashley didn't know what she expected to find up there.  Monsters?  Witches?  A portal into Hell itself?  But there could be no going back at this point.  She could feel the insidious presence that had corrupted the minds of the other residents eating away at her mind.  Lord only knew what effect it was having on her two companions.  Pat looked shifty; flashlight in one hand, wrench in the other, and Travis' eyes flatly refused to meet hers.  Perhaps he was still in shock from the sudden, horrible loss of Catherine.  Ashley sincerely hoped that was all their was to Travis' sullen silence.

Abruptly, the flashlight started to flicker.  Pat swore and tapped it against his leg.  "I thought you kept that thing charged all the time," Ashley said.

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Blackout at Cherry Estates:  Part VII

"Make yourselves at home," Travis said, quietly shutting the door behind them.  His apartment was right at the end of the hall on the second floor, outside the staircase where they had found the stretched layer of material that Ashley sincerely hoped wasn't flesh.  Where they had lost Michael.

Ashley worriedly regarded Catherine as they bundled into the tight entryway.  She had turned mute, arms limp at her sides.  Grief would likely come later, but right now she was just numb.  Ashley rubbed her shoulder, but Catherine didn't even glance up from her laconic stare.

"So what the fuck's going on?"  Travis demanded.  "You all seem to know more than I do."

Ashley took a moment to take in Travis' apartment.  It was in a state of colossal disarray.  His coffee table had been shattered, the safety glass neatly distributed in a thin layer of round beads across the carpet.  A bookshelf on the far wall from the entrance was overturned.  One of the trendy paintings that lined the walls had fallen, jarred from its hook by a tremendous force.

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Blackout at Cherry Estates:  Part VI

Michael was standing at the edge of an abyss.  He rocked on his heels, waves of vertigo crashing over his mind.  He put out a hand to steady himself and stifled a yelp of shock.  His fingers brushed against Catherine's jacket.

At his touch, his girlfriend looked back at him in concern.  "Are you all right?"

Sweat beaded on his brow.  "Fine," he breathed.  "Fine.  Just lost my balance there.  It's so dark, you know?"

Catherine put on a brave smile.  "Tell me about it."  She nodded her head towards the front of their tiny column, where Pat and Ashley had broken stride to wait up for them.

"Come on," Ashley said.  "We just have to find the stairwell, and it's a straight shoot up to the roof hatch."

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Blackout at Cherry Estates:  Part V

They moved like kindergarteners, all linked hand-to-hand, Pat in the lead, Michael in the rear, Ashley and Catherine squeezed in the middle.  Pat held his flashlight out before them, cutting into the darkness like Moses parting the red sea.  Ashley still had her can of pepper spray on hand, but she kept that to herself.  The incident with Mrs. Watts had left her cautious.  Ashley had no way of telling how the darkness, the bizarre warping in physics, the sheer ominous presence was affecting the minds of her companions.  She felt certain it was responsible for her headache though Pat had dismissed her worries as stress-induced paranoia.  As they crept their way along the corridor to the basement, Ashley's head throbbed painfully in a warning signal.  Danger ahead, danger ahead, danger...

Still, this seemed like the only logical course of action.  The sooner they got help from outside, the better.
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Blackout at Cherry Estates:  Part IV

Pat slowly withdrew his hand from the impossibility that had drawn itself over the threshold like a curtain.  He held his fingers up to himself tentatively, as though he were apprehensive they would fall off or sprout tendrils or something.  But nothing happened.

It was Catherine, rocking back on forth on the floor, who broke the silence first.  "Are we in Hell?"

Pat seemed to seriously consider her query.  "I don't think so.  We'd remember dying.  Wouldn't we?"

Catherine cupped her hands over her mouth and let out a strangled sob.  Michael, her boyfriend, knelt beside her and took her in his arms, though it seemed he was deriving more comfort from her than the other way round.

Pat paced away from the door carefully.  "Anyway, I don't think Hell would look like my workplace."  He chuckled bitterly, then winced.  He touched his head gingerly, where the cuts from Mrs. Watts' nails still were weeping blood.  "And it feels too real to be a dream."
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Blackout at Cherry Estates:  Part III

"Mrs. Watts?" Ashley called once more, in spite of her growing surety that the old lady was in no condition to answer.  If she remained in the lobby at all.

The throaty, raspy breathing that had answered Ashley's calls grated like a cement mixer full of nails.  Ashley took a step back, unconsciously, and reached under her desk for the pepper spray that was her only form of protection.  She tucked it into her pants pocket, her head throbbing a warning pulse against unseen danger.

"What in hell's going on?"  Pat, the caretaker, shone his flashlight around, trying to illuminate the outline of Mrs. Watts on the leather bench.  What the beam of light found instead was a hunched, animalistic figure, teeth bared in a hideous snarl.  The old crone was clawing at the air, eyes bloodshot and unblinking in the glow of Pat's flashlight.  She bunched herself into a ball of compressed sinew and flung herself at the runty caretaker.

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Blackout at Cherry Estates:  Part II


Monica Ellis had always had an irrational fear of the dark.  At least, that's what her friends called it:  irrational.  To her, it seemed perfectly reasonable.  For starters, it meant being unable to see where you were going.  That meant – at best – stubbed toes, bruised kneecaps, jammed fingers, or all of the above.  At worst...well...who could honestly say with complete confidence they knew what lay waiting in every dark space?

Take the hallway at Cherry Estates.  Monica knew, with relative certainty, that it was about fifteen steps from the elevator to the turn, and then forty steps from the turn to her apartment door.  But there was no way in hell she was going to make them shuffling along in the eclipse that had engulfed her home.
Sometimes her neighbours would leave their bicycles outside their doors, anticipating a green-friendly commute first thing in the morning.  The building manager, Ashley, had warned them off from doing it because it was a fire hazard, but people rarely listened.  Other times the housekeeping staff would leave extension cords in a tangled mess, either through carelessness or laziness.

Nope.  Monica wouldn't take a chance on it.  Aside from these obvious pitfalls, who was to say there weren't any flesh-eating zombies waiting to take a chunk out of her arm the moment she strayed into the unknown?

There was a throbbing, pulsing ache in Ashley Maddox's head.  It pulsated in time with every syllable streaming out of Tommy Salinger's mouth, each calculated, piercing insult he hurled at the young couple another pin in Ashley's forehead.

"Reserved parking," Salinger spat.  "Can't you damn well read?  I swear to god, if I have to run this through my insurance, I'm going to strip you for all you're worth."

"Look pal," the man in front of him said carefully, "I already told you, it was just a nick.  You know, most folks would probably just drive off.  I'm trying to do the right thing here."

"Don't patronize me.  You yuppie twenty-somethings are all the same.  Heads down in your iphones, so fucking entitled you think the world owes you a pat on the back for having the good grace to get yourself born."
There's been a lot of press coverage of sexism in videogames of late, notably the well-circulated story of Aris Bakhtanians and his sexist ravings, as well as the more recent attacks on Anita Sarkeesian's Kickstarter project.

It's interesting that women's rights have taken on the battleground of videogames, given that video gaming by and large is still a very recent innovation and frontier.  Console gaming only really took off in the 80s, and only in the last decade has online gaming truly come into being as not only a form of social interaction but also as a competitive sport.

The demographic that comprises the videogaming market falls firmly into the "youth" category.  Given that, one would think that the gaming community would be a place of liberal values, but the truth is anything but.  When it comes to finding positive female role models in video games culture, it's a bit like finding that rare line piece in Tetris at just the right moment:  it might look great, it might fit great, but the moment you let it drop the whole thing just tears apart your well built foundation.

She is SO ready to take a hit to her left arm.

First off, the list, in its entirety, for easy access:

My Top 10 Sci-Fi Movies

10.  Metropolis
9.  A Scanner Darkly
8.  Silent Running
7.  THX-1138
6.  The Mysterious Georgraphic Explorations of Jasper Morello
5.  The Truman Show
4.  Wall-E
3.  The Rocketeer
2.  2001: A Space Odyssey
1.  Dark City (Director's Cut)

My Top 10 Sci-Fi TV Shows

10.  The Secret Adventures of Jules Verne
9.  Red Dwarf
8.  Babylon 5
7.  The Lost Room
6.  Jeremiah
5.  Futurama
4.  Reboot
3.  Tin Man
2.  Firefly
1.  Doctor Who

And Now, the Honorable Mentions


Doctor Who

Dundundun, dundundun, dundundun, dundundun,

Ooooo-weeee-oooooo...eeeee-oooooo...

BWAAADADAAAA, DAAAADADAAAAAAAAA...DA-DAAAAA...

If you have no idea what I just did, you need a little more Doctor Who in your life.

How appropriate that the show about a Time Lord from Gallifrey holds the Guinness World Record for "Longest Running Science Fiction Show".  The majority of its current viewers will likely have only heard about the series thanks to the resurgence in popularity following the 2005 revival by Russell T. Davies.



Dark City:  Director's Cut

I'll have to begin this review with a disclaimer:  I bloody love Dark City, Director's Cut or no Director's Cut.  It's not a situation like Blade Runner, where the original is nigh-unwatchable compared to the later Director's or Final cuts.

On the contrary.  What Dark City:  The Director's Cut did was make a great movie even BETTER, and frankly when I first saw this movie I didn't think that was possible.

I think this movie is colossally underrated, underestimated, and overlooked.  It had to struggle with opening against Titanic, and in the sci-fi genre it was overshadowed by the visually stunning, but ultimately shallow The Matrix.


Firefly

You knew it was coming.

You knew because it's pretty much the sci-fi show of the hipster generation.

You knew because it was made by the ever-popular Joss Whedon, who has come to symbolize a kind of underdog artistic integrity in a wasteland of cookie cutter primetime TV.

You knew because...well...Firefly.

It's hard not to gush about this show, because there honestly has never been anything like it.  This was the first science fiction show that really felt like an honest portrayal of the average working-class group of people in space.


2001:  A Space Odyssey

Well, as I move into the final days of Sci-Fi Month, I can't help but include at least one really, really well-known title.

2001:  A Space Odyssey is referred to not just as one of the greatest sci-fi movies ever made, but as one of the greatest movies ever made, period.  But, it had its critics at the time of release, and it still has its critics now.  Like many of Kubrick's films, it's extremelly polarizing in critical and public opinion, and it's not hard to see why.



Tin Man

I know, I know, it's another miniseries.  I wasn't actually going to include another miniseries on here after The Lost Room, and this spot was going to go to Space:  Above and Beyond.

Here's the thing though about Space:  Above and Beyond.
1)  It's not very good
2)  It was short-lived and not well circulated
3)  Battlestar Galactica (reimagined) was better

This may also be a signal that I won't be talking about Battlestar for the remainder of my list either.  Not because it's not GOOD (it certainly is), but because I don't think I can say anything about it that hasn't been said already.

I'm getting sidetracked.  What I really want to talk about is Tin Man.


Woops!  Fell off the blogging wagon for a couple of days there.  I plead the sickness.  Back to Sci-Fi Month!

The Rocketeer

The Rocketeer is, in my opinion, one of the most criminally underrated films in Hollywood history.  Not CRITICALLY.  Critics, in fact, quite liked this film, and the science fiction community did too.  Audiences, however, passed over it in favour of other blockbusters like Robin Hood:  Prince of Thieves.

The problem, I think, was one of timing.  The Rocketeer is all about nostalgia, a throwback to pulp cliches and 40's sci-fi action heroes like Flash Gordon or Buck Rogers.  Aaaand in 1991, not a lot of people were very interested in those kinds of heroes.  They were riding the high wave of prosperity, looking to a future of cyberpunk in films like Terminator 2 or the Matrix.  They were interested in modern heroes, tough female characters, and progressive ideas.



Reboot

OK, this is the last time I cheat by including a kid's program.  Probably.

Reboot rarely seems to end up on "best of" lists, and I actually don't know why.  I suspect it's due in large part to a very, very troubled distribution history.  I think it goes something like this:

1)  Canadian program is hugely successful thanks to an original idea and (at the time) groundbreaking animation techniques
2)  American network picks it up, introducing the show to a large audience
3)  American network is bought out, and drops the show due to corporate nonsense (Thanks Disney!)
4)  Canadian production continues, and is eventually bought once more by Americans, but since there is a HUGE, three-year gap, nobody understands what is going on or cares.

Which is a terrible, terrible shame.  I know that Canadian audiences ate this show up, and I think Americans did too in the first year.  Reboot was the first fully computer-animated series, and though the earliest graphics are dated, they still have a bright, cartoonish flair to them.


Wall-E

OK, I'll own this right now and admit I'm probably (definitely) going too far on this one.  Wall-E is, after all, a family film first and a sci-fi film second.

But I feel compelled to include it in my list of favourites because I think that science-fiction has a place at the juvenile level as well.  Growing up, I read a lot of YA science fiction, like Alfred Slote or K.A. Applegate.  There's a great deal of imagination put into YA sci-fi, and a lot of it flows more freely because there's no preconceptions about content going in.

The same can be said of Pixar Animation films.  The pieces this studio puts out are some of the only films I consistently look forward to seeing. With Wall-E, the wonderful people at Pixar took their tried and true formula of short films sans dialogue and stretched it out to the feature-length mark.

Futurama

What can be said about this series that hasn't been said already?  While overshadowed The Simpsons, Futurama remains a hilarious, nerdly love letter to science fiction tropes and cliches.

The jokes are brilliant.  The characters are hilarious and varied.  The music, art and direction are all top-notch.

But I think what really sets this show apart from anything else is the incredible attention paid to paying nerd homage to math, physics, and above all else the great stories that have come before.


If you're just joining my merry blog at this time, know that April 2012 has been declared SCi-FI MONTH!  This is to celebrate the impending arrival of George Takei at the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, which will be, very simply, a night to remember.

For Sci-Fi Month, I've been compiling a "top ten" list of some of my favourite Sci-Fi TV shows and movies.  Here's a handy-dandy list to recap the first two weeks:

Top 10 Sci-Fi Movies

10.  Metropolis
9.  A Scanner Darkly
8.  Silent Running
7.  THX-1138
6.  The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello

Top 10 Sci-Fi TV Shows

10.  The Secret Adventures of Jules Verne
9.  Red Dwarf
8.  Babylon 5
7.  The Lost Room
6.  Jeremiah

Without further ado, it's on to Movie #5:

Jeremiah

J. Michael Straczynski of Babylon 5 ends up in my good books once again with a far darker series, the post-apocalyptic Jeremiah.

Jeremiah follows...well...Jeremiah (Luke Perry of 90120 fame), a roughly thirty-something year old man who has grown up in a world ravaged by the "Big Death", a mysterious, possibly human-engineered disease that fifteen years ago eradicated all people "over the age of innocence" (above puberty).  Jeremiah is searching for his father, whom he is convinced is alive, recalling a memory where the words "Valhalla Sector" are spoken.  During his travels, Jeremiah runs into Kurdy (Malcolm-Jamal Warner), another loner, and together the two of them team up and discover abandoned military complexes, religious cults and neo-nazis, all while trying to ease the ills of a world beset by starvation, ignorance and paranoia.



The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello

Yesterday I cheated a bit by including a miniseries on my list of great sci-fi TV shows.  Today I'm cheating a bit by including a short film on my list of great sci-fi movies.

I'm okay with this exception for two reasons:  1)  a list of great sci-fi short movies would not only be incredibly hard to curate for the average individual, but also very brief  2)  this movie is bloody incredible.

I only became aware of The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello after it was nominated for Best Animated Short Film at the 2006 Academy Awards.  I'm retroactively appalled that it lost, particularly given the absolute braindead winner, The Moon and the Son:  An Imagined Conversation (yes, I've watched in its entirety).  My retroactive watching of the nominees only reinforces my opinion that the voting system of the Academy Awards is completely broken.

Sorry.  I've been sidetracked by my intense hatred of Hollywood incest.  Back to the movie.


The Lost Room

Everyone, literally everyone, sci-fi fans and sci-fi haters alike, has had the same reaction when I have played this show for them:

"Can we watch the next episode?  Like, right now?"

The Lost Room centres on a group of Objects (capital O) that were all at one point in a motel room just outside of Gallup, New Mexico.  This motel room somehow vanished inexplicably, and, according to the manager, "never existed."  The Objects, however, not only continue to exist, but they now exhibit strange properties.  Not all of these are inherently useful:  the Umbrella makes people think they know you, the Clock sublimates brass, the Watch Box inhibits entropy...the list goes on.  As people acquire the Objects, their lives are changed irrevocably, and often not for the better.  Above all, there is the Key, which can open any tumbler lock, transporting the user to the titular Lost Room:  #9 at the Sunshine Motel.



THX-1138

George Lucas' directorial debut, expanded from an award-winning student film, THX-1138 is a grim, cheerless film.  That may be part of the reason why it was so commercially unsuccessful, even after a re-release on the heels of the tidal wave of Star Wars.  This movie is certainly not what people think of when they think of Lucas.  It is a lot of black and white where movies like American Graffiti or Star Wars are steeped in colour.  It is sombre and understated, especially in the audio department, where later on John Williams would overwhelm us with symphonic splendour.

Yet this movie is undeniably an achievement, and showcases Lucas' trademark ability to convincingly shape a futuristic environment with dazzling visuals.  The story itself is fairly basic and other critics have pointed out that is is a mere regurgitation of more infamous sci-fi writers, but it is worth retelling.  In a nutshell, humanity has become so consumed with efficiency and productivity that they now inhibit their emotions and sexual desires through the use of a carefully monitored drug intake.



Babylon 5

Babylon 5 had the misfortune of going toe-to-toe with Star Trek:  Deep Space Nine.  I say "misfortune" because to insinuate that Paramount in any way ripped off J. Michael Straczynski 's concept which they had earlier passed on, only to air their DS9 pilot just weeks before Babylon 5's debut, is to bring up a flame war that needs no further vocalization.  Only the Paramount Executives know the truth of the matter, and it's unlikely we'll ever know for sure.

At any rate, this...coincidence in timing...had the unfortunate side effect of directly syphoning a lot of attention away from this rather complex show about a diplomatic station and its crew.  It's a shame, really, because Babylon 5 boasted characters of great depth and storylines of political intrigue that had never really been explored through the lens of science fiction in a serialized TV format.


Silent Running


On the surface, Silent Running looks like a simple environmental film, but past that basic exterior lies a thought-provoking meditation on the solitary nature of life in space.

The visuals and special effects of the movie are consistent with director Douglas Turnbull's previous work on 2001: A Space Odyssey and it's clear he carried on pioneering that field with Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Blade Runner.  In truth, though, the script is fairly simplistic and the message of "go green" is so belaboured to death that you'll want to knee a tree-hugger in the groin out of spite by the end of it.

What saves Silent Running from being Ferngully in space is the performance of Bruce Dern as Lowell, the botanist of the colossal space freighter "Valley Forge".  The Valley Forge is part of a project intended to preserve the last remaining living specimens of Earth's plant life, which have been devastated by industrialization and overpopulation.  Lowell is an idealist, convinced that the work he is doing will be appreciated and his research will be put into good use in the future.  However, he is tragically proven wrong when the company that owns The Valley Forge orders Lowell and his three fellow crew members to destroy the forest domes with nuclear warheads.  Lowell rebels, murdering the crew and fleeing with one dome intact under a false pretence of malfunctioning equipment.

Red Dwarf

Its easy to see why this show has such a lasting appeal.  Where Star Trek, and shows like Star Trek, are populated by the absolute best and brightest of humanity, the pinnacle of intellectual and physical prowess...

...Red Dwarf shows us the rest of humanity.

The slobs, the failures, the neurotics, the morons.  Red Dwarf celebrates the losers of Star Trek and other idealized sci-fi exploration shows like Lost in Space or Seaquest.  It's the perfect mirror to parody science fiction norms.  We don't hear about Janitor Joe Bob on the Starship Enterprise, but this show points out that he was always there, in the background, and he couldn't give two smegs about the prime directive or the final frontier.



A Scanner Darkly

I rather expect some people will be left scratching their heads over this choice, but Richard Linklater's adaptation of Philip K. Dick's cautionary tale on drug abuse in a near-future sci-fi setting has stuck with me to this day.

There's two major reasons for my enjoyment of this film.  Firstly, it is the most faithful adaptation of a Philip K. Dick story I have ever seen, and that includes ALL of these movies:
Minority Report
-  Paycheck
-  Blade Runner
-  Screamers
-  Total Recall

These movies naturally vary in quality, but not a one of them scarcely resembles the source material.  Linklater remamined incredibly devoted to the story, keeping in portions that I thought would never translate to the big screen and succeeding beautifully.  This is not to say that I think slavish devotion is key to successful movie adaptation; my previous post "Ruminations on Adaptation" expands on this.  I'm more impressed at how well Linklater communicates the concepts, the settings, and especially the characters.  When I initially heard this was going to be a movie, I thought it would never work.  Linklater proved me wrong.

The Secret Adventures of Jules Verne

I said before that some shows on this list would be new to most people, and I'm sure that this will be one of those occasions.

The Secret Adventures of Jules Verne was a very short-lived steampunk series that ran initially on CBC in Canada and Sci-Fi Network in the US.  It posited that Jules Verne's stories were not mere fiction, but were actual adventures that he embarked on in the company of Phileas Fogg (gentleman explorer from Verne's Around the World in Eighty Days), Fogg's servant Passepartout, and Fogg's cousin Rebecca, a spy for the British government.  Together the four of them travel in Fogg's magnificent airship, the Aurora, to battle mysterious forces and explore strange happenings.



Hello readers!

For the month of April I thought I'd try something different.  It just so happens that the Toronto Symphony Orchestra will be performing a concert at the beginning of May called the "Sci-Fi Spectacular", which will feature guest host George Takei in all his glory.  As a lead-up to this nergasm of epic proportions, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring of "best of" lists and do a top 10 of Sci-fi TV shows and a top 10 of Sci-fi movies.

There really is no criteria for these lists.  It's all down to my personal opinion.  However, I am going to try to throw in some things that you don't often see on major top 10 lists, to keep it fresh.

So, without further ado, it's on to the #10 Greatest Science Fiction Film:

This Saturday is Earth Hour , the time of year when humanity takes 60 minutes out of their heady, crazy lives to remember that we owe a small debt of thanks to the loving mother that birthed our entire race from cosmic sludge (in the interests of a balanced opinion for our religious readers, we must also posit the theory that a bearded all-knowing magic man instead crapped us out from scrap parts and eventually popped some wise ideas into the head of a magic carpenter who holds us all in contempt through an elaborate guilt complex).

I struggle with earth hour, not because of its intentions but because of the results.  Let's assume, for a moment, that I am not who I am, but am instead someone who callously disregards mother nature and the environment...a "straw man" if you will.  This persona will channel my reservations into a statement (but not a very logically sound argument).

For your consideration, alternate universe me:

"What in the hootenanny do I care if some dodo birds and gosh-darned tree huggin' birkenstock-wearing weirdos are having trouble breathing in the thick flying mulch we like to call city air?  Let 'em go wipe their butts with leaves and crap out some bad GEE-TAR poetry, seeee?  Sweet holy Sarah Palin, these folks are entitled."
Direct quote from men who love nature so much they want to shoot it and bring it home with them.
Photo by Jordan Thevenow-Harrison licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic

All right, let's start this one off with a hugely controversial statement:

I really, really liked The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie.

GOOD GOD THE FANBOYS HAVE A BATTERING RAM-

We demand equal rights for gut drums!
Photo by Korean Resource Centre licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic

Now hear this!  I hereby proclaim Fridays of Look Out It Is a Blog "Fiction Fridays", wherein tales of a madeup nature will be told.  If you don't personally know me, let it now be made common knowledge that I am a writer of fiction and plays, and to that end will be practicing online.  Tune in on Friday for a radical change of pace from the rest of the week of Look Out It Is a Blog.

(this first one's just a teeny tiny warmup, a little something I was thinking about today and thought I'd share with you all)


(Readers:  the following is a work of fiction intended for satirical purposes.  It is in no way meant to resemble any real life individual or group of individuals.  Consider it, if you will, as a cautionary tale for what not to do in a Cover Letter.  If this does resemble you...stop it.  Please.  We have families)

Dear Lucky Person,

Dear Execrable Douchemongers,

What is your problem?  I can only assume you enjoy wasting your time and money, because there is no other logical explanation for the incessant chorus of chatter, snack-munching, coat wringing, and mime-whacking going on in the seating area.

Maybe you thought the show was crap.  Maybe you were confused, and needed a couple of minutes of lip-flapping to get your mighty brain up to speeds reaching or even exceeding three.  Or maybe you were even really excited and wanted everyone to know right then because why wait for the appointed time when people usually applaud when you can communicate your unbelievable joy in the middle of a performance.

Whatever the reason, here's my counterpoint.  My thesis, if you will.

SHUT.  UP.

Ye be fairly warned:  you who so enter these hallowed bloggy walls will find spoilers aplenty for several things:  Walking Dead, Serenity, Alien...other things.  Really though, the only one of these in recent memory is Walking Dead, so frankly if you cry spoiler on the other stuff than you just need to watch the shows when they come out :)

Okay?  I'm going to look at the wall for a little while.

I'll play a little music...

Hum te tum...


...

...

Okay, still here?

Right.  Today we're going to talk about killing people.

Time for the obligatory controversial post.

Men of the world, can I talk to you for a minute?

What the fuck is your (our) problem?

You piss on the toilet seat.  You smell bad, grow hair all over, commit literally 10 times as many violent crimes as women, and yet somehow you still run the whole frakking world.

What the hell, man (men)?  And I'm not going to beat around the bush and say "you used to be cool".  No, you were never cool.  Not a lot's changed.

But it seemed like maybe we were getting somewhere.  Curbing the worst of our excesses.  Really trying to genuinely make way for the better halves of the world, though only after they had to kick us in the nuts with people like Nellie McClung.

So why is it that I'm hearing men clamouring all over my country, dear, sweet, forward-thinking Canada, MEN...you ASSHOLES...bringing up abortion?

Awwww shit.  Here we go.
Photo by David Shankbone licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic

Every now and then, I remember that Star Trek hasn't been on TV for nearly seven years.

Yes, these are things I think about.

To be sure, there was a very successful "gritty reboot" of the original series in film form that featured a very good cast with a decent director (J.J. Abrams) at the helm, but Star Trek in bite-sized, one hour form hasn't seen the light of day for some time and probably won't for the foreseeable future.  The next feature length film isn't slated until 2013, although it is expected to end up as a trilogy.

I think there's a few reasons for this, not least of which is the abyssmal writing of the last series, "Enterprise."

I was talking the other day with a co-worker about the idea of "genre fiction", as it exists as a seperate entity from so-called "mainstream fiction."

We both agreed that there is a tendency to look down on works written "in a genre", and a tendency to compliment works by labelling them as "genre-defining."  It's a strange brand of literary snobbery that bleeds into the public subconscious.  The idea is that books that are written in a genre are somehow of lesser quality than their mainstream counterparts.  Case in point:  in Canada there are dedicated awards for fantasy, science fiction, etc. (the Sunburst, the Aurora) and then there are the "big awards", the Governor-General and the Giller Prize, and the tendency is for these heavy hitters to showcase "mainstream fiction."  I find this a little unfair.

I'm doing it again.

This marks probably the fourth time I've started a blog.  Why do I keep doing this?  I always struggle with updating on a regular basis, and ultimately drift off and end up doing other things.

Well, I suppose the key thing is to look at it as an exercise.  I'm now at a point where I genuinely want to be writing on a regular basis, and facebook notes, while awesome, just aren't cutting it any more.

I'll put whatever I feel like on here:  rants, news, maybe even some fiction or comics if I get going.

From here on out, who knows what'll happen.

Oh, and yes the title is a blatant rip-off of the title of this Penny Arcade strip, because for whatever reason that title has always been hilarious for me.

And one should always pay respect to the lords of webcomics.

Onwards then.  To content unknown.