I'm turning back the clocks past the usual cutoff of last week, because holy blap there is just so much to process. Crazy canucks tearing up the streets both in and out of their own country, a game company is trying to copywright a commonly used word, and - oh yeah, going back a little ways - A CANNIBAL. RAT. GHOST. SHIP.
But before we get to the rodent armada, we have to ask a serious question: what the Hell is going on in Canada?
Have we all been out in the cold for too long, shuffling along our ice-encrusted sidewalks like disconsolate penguins? Had a few too many Tim Horton's coffees mixed with spiced rum? Suffered too many hockey pucks to the head? Endured one too many stereotype jokes?
What can possibly explain THIS:
Plus THIS:
(equals this?)
Where do you begin? When the largest export of your country is a patchwork of sporadic, unintentional comedy, is it time for you to do a little soul-searching about your national pride? Or is it just time to seriously be considering real estate on an ice flow?
Whatever the reason, we can at least rest assured knowing that no matter how ridiculous these two individuals get, they will never, ever, EVER directly intersect, despite the very best efforts of comedians, pundits and papers to link the two together. I mean, one is a politician and the other is a child pop singer. Those two couldn't possibly end up interacting in a horrible confluence or-
FUCK.
Welp. As with all things in life, it always comes back to the lawyers. I give up.
Speaking of lawyers, do you like words? Do you like using them, perhaps to say things or - dare I say - NAME things? Like, if you were to have a great weekend, might you refer to it as an EPIC? And if you were to, I dunno, write about it, might people like to call that a SAGA?
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| Via Wikimedia Commons |
Yes, in what will surely be only the latest in a blitheringly stupid copywright claim, the makers of Candy Crush Saga, a highly addictive mobile game, are trying to trademark use of the word "saga." King, the company in question, is concerned that other games utilizing the term would damage Candy Crush's brand. Because nothing says "saga" like another inane recreation of connect three on your iphone. Truly, an epic voyage.
But hey, at least they're not trying to trademark the word "candy" or anything. That'd be CRAZY.
Sigh. With all of the insanity in the news these days, a reasonable person has to ask: what kind of zany rat race are we all living in?
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| estarezarpadoo via Compfight cc |
No sea rats commenting here, nope!
Yes, in what was undoubtedly the first sign of the coming apocalypse, reports have surfaced of a shipload of vicious vermin heading for the coast of the UK. Crewed only by good intentions and the most persistent and dominant of pests, the murder vessel is sure to terrify and delight as it rapidly overtakes Sharknado at the box office.
But perhaps we are overreacting. Surely the rats couldn't still persist after more than a year at sea? Even if they DID eat each other, why, then eventually their numbers would dwindle, and dwindle, as rat fed on rat, until...
Until...
Only the biggest, meanest, deadliest mother-sucking rat of them all remained, and he would ride atop a throne of bones mounted on the prow of his dreadnought, fire blazing from his eyes, and he would pry open his vicious little jaws and squeak out an apocalyptic dirge that heralds the doom of mankind.
THIS MONSTROUS RAT WILL DESTROY US ALL!!!!
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-
Only the biggest, meanest, deadliest mother-sucking rat of them all remained, and he would ride atop a throne of bones mounted on the prow of his dreadnought, fire blazing from his eyes, and he would pry open his vicious little jaws and squeak out an apocalyptic dirge that heralds the doom of mankind.
THIS MONSTROUS RAT WILL DESTROY US ALL!!!!
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-
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| Katsushika Hokusai (θι£Ύεζ) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons |
Only a lone swordsman with a mysterious past and nothing to lose can save us now!
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