Cherish Your Precious Tears

Ah, Valentine's Day. Boon of florists. Friend to chocolatiers. Reminder of all that is single in the world. Truly, a day where romance is in full bloom, as wife embraces husband, child embraces dog, clown embraces shriner, and all is love and forgiveness and understanding.

I can think of no better time to talk about rejection. For what is great love without great heartbreak?

Yes, we have all dealt with rejection in one form or another: in courtship, in careers, and - for those of us who have been paying attention to what I do - in writing.

Bargain Betty via Compfight cc

I wish I could say with absolute certainty that the hand

in this picture is attached to a still-living person.

For those who haven't had a piece of their writing rejected, I feel like today presents a rare opportunity to illustrate the sensation. Imagine, if you will, finally working up the courage to ask out that wonderful person you've always liked from a great distance. You didn't quite know how to go about it, but just like that, the perfect words have sprung to mind and you're determined. You set out to find them. Maybe you have their phone number, maybe you try to bump into them at work or school, or maybe you act like the depraved stalker you secretly are and you show up unannounced at their house (yes, PERFECT).

And then they shoot you down. They shoot you down so hard your ancestors reincarnate as zombies just to have their heads blown off by the shoot-down you just received. Your heart, such as it is, shrivels up to a prune and shatters from the sheer icy shellacking it has suffered.

Now repeat this process ten, twenty, infinity times. You are now a writer.

Domk via Compfight cc

Y...yay?

Still, just like romance, there are exceptions to the rule. Those who live in a special, secluded circle of blessed warmth. You know them. You see them. The high school sweethearts. The "love at first sight" couple. The writers who somehow sell a story immediately.

These tips are for the rest of us:

Handling Rejection

1. Do Not Pursue

So you've received your rejection letter. Like grief and most ill-fated relationships, there is always one immediate reaction: denial. It can take on many forms: flat-out refusal to believe the situation at hand, powerful hallucinations, or, as is often the unfortunate case from many an amateur writer, an attempt to contradict the editor.

Many of you will be tempted to do this. All of you will fail. A rejection is not an invitation for a conversation, let alone a negotiation, and any communications that follow a form rejection will be charitably met with silence and reasonably with threats. Continue at your own peril.

2. Your Work is Not Worthless

The next most immediate reaction is to believe what you have just been told: your work is no good, does not fit our requirements, is offensive to Mormon Dwarves, etc. etc. Well, at this point we must bust out the plethora of platitudes that exist to soothe all wounds sustained in a bad breakup. There are indeed plenty of fish in the sea. There are plenty of editors who will like your work and who will dislike your work. True, you have literally no way of knowing how your piece will be received. After all, the editor could be trying for a specific theme, or maybe they just hate certain plot gimmicks, or maybe their damn car wouldn't start and their coffee spilled on their lap and YOU HAVE PAiD THE PRICE. Like dating, you have to take chances, meet new people, and try to find the one. But that's the fun of it.

Jonno Witts via Compfight cc

Pictured: Fun

3. Your Work Is Not (Necessarily) Worthless

OK, so now that we've soothed your wounds, let's look at what the editor actually said, shall we?

...

Oh dear.

Oh my.

Oh, that's just...vile. Isn't that vile? They didn't need to go that far.

So why are they being so harsh? What has set them off? Or maybe they focussed on some aspect that, in your view, is insignificant.

This is a hard question to ask, and a risky one to ponder: why did they feel that way?

Yes, on occasion even the angriest of rejection letters can hold remarkable insight into your work that you never considered. When an editor provides ANY kind of feedback with a rejection, be it good or bad, you have to weigh that in your writing. How you weight it must of course be proportional to the value you place on your own work vs. the value you place on the editor's opinion. As I cannot determine that ratio for you, I suggest you now beat your head on your desk in frustration.

slworking2 via Compfight cc

Good...good...

4. Accept Your Fate

So now that we've established that writing is a horrific, ghoulish process of eternal prom date nightmare scenarios, you must ask yourself, and then answer this question:

Is it worth it?

If you answered yes, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! You might have what it takes to handle writing rejection.

You might also have brain damage.

...sorry for the repeated head-desk-ing.