Batten down the hatches! Hide the fine china! Alert the minutemen! And for God's sakes, somebody get Lloyd Robertson on the phone, I don't care how old he is; we need that soothing silver fox now more than ever.
But enough whinging and griping about dates, let's be real here for a second and talk about what's coming down the pipe here. No, not with the election, with me and this blog, that's what's important. Well, over the next 11 weeks, you can expect me to be keeping up with things, dusting off the cobwebs of this long-forgotten corner of the internet to give you my take on the latest debates, campaign messages, polls, and all the gaffes that are fit to print (and boy I bet there's going to be some peaches).
Yes it's election time in Canada, though unless you've been recovering from a brain injury that sent you on a mission of self-discovery through the interior of Kazakhstan in search of your own identity, you've probably noticed that this country's been in election mode for years now, and going strongly with every passing day. You can thank our current government's amendment to the Canada Elections Act for that, which declared every third Monday in October the shittiest goddamn holiday in our country's history.
Yes, a fixed election has just been declared, the first (and possibly last) of which is to be held October 19, 2015. This is a date that has been anticipated for so long that reporters are tweeting that children have been literally brainwashed by campaign attack ads which have been running for months. Now don't get me wrong, believe it or not I think this was a mad science experiment worth seeing to its conclusion. We've had governments drop writs like bombshells on opposition parties several times, in an attempt to sneak an election in while people are still wondering what the hell the Rhino Party actually is (I'm looking at you, Prentice! How's that premature resignation treating you?). A fixed election is supposed to level the playing field. Of course, having now lived through one, I think most Canadians will subject themselves to an airport colonoscopy before they have to suffer another one of these cookers.
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| Hey, if it's gonna happen, make it happen with the best, right? bionicteaching via Compfight cc |
By "my take" I naturally mean my opinion, and you can expect that to slant to my own opinions on the direction in policy I think the country should take. That said, I can promise you that I consider myself non-partisan in that I do not adhere to any specific political spectrum. For example, I support a strong Canadian navy - a typically "right of centre" idea - while also supporting higher corporate taxes - a typically "left of centre" idea. I am also open to new ideas, but I will question them with the hope of getting an answer that goes beyond ideology, such as the notion of a mandatory minimum wage.
I also consider myself non-partisan because at varying points in my life I have voted for every major party: the Tories, the Liberals, the NDP, even the Greens. I carry no membership card, I have never donated money. I flirted with volunteering for my local Liberal candidate, Kent Hehr, but left after only a few meetings, realizing very quickly that I preferred to remain on the outside as an observer and an independent, unbiased voter. Also I was pretty busy.
In addition to my own posts I'm going to keep a page of links to some important info pages: polls, vote compasses, elections Canada riding information, etc. Nothing with an editorial bent to it (go ahead and insert your own derisive sneer about polls and editorial bent here). You'll be able to find this page in one of the slides on the homepage at thecanerdian.ca. This should be up on Friday, August 7th. I'm just putting together a list of links now. I'm also going to try to alert people to major events, primarily debates, but if any noteworthy speaking engagements crop up I'll try to hone in on those too.
The last thing I'm gonna say is this. If you've never read my blog before (FOR SHAME) you could be forgiven for thinking, based on the way I've phrased a lot of this, that I am in fact a reporter with credentials and a press pass and an audience and friends and all that jazz. I am not. I have very strong opinions, and sometimes people like to read them. That's it. I get my information the same places everybody else does: from newspapers, from twitter, from seeing the candidates and leaders speak in public. I am just another Canadian, who is nerdy. I am the CaNerdian.
If I have one thing that I think I'm proud of, it's that I like to get people engaged in what might otherwise on the surface seem like a dull, pointless process. Well, I've voted in every election I've ever been eligible for, and let me tell you this: out of all of them, this might well be the most exciting and unpredictable we've had in my lifetime. If the polls are to be believed (and with people running aggregates at faster speeds than they've ever done), the three major parties are still very much all in the race, and there's a huge chunk of undecided voters out there ripe for the picking. So listen up, because your vote matters, and I'm going to do my damndest to remind you of that ever day from here through October 19th.
Let's do this.
The last thing I'm gonna say is this. If you've never read my blog before (FOR SHAME) you could be forgiven for thinking, based on the way I've phrased a lot of this, that I am in fact a reporter with credentials and a press pass and an audience and friends and all that jazz. I am not. I have very strong opinions, and sometimes people like to read them. That's it. I get my information the same places everybody else does: from newspapers, from twitter, from seeing the candidates and leaders speak in public. I am just another Canadian, who is nerdy. I am the CaNerdian.
If I have one thing that I think I'm proud of, it's that I like to get people engaged in what might otherwise on the surface seem like a dull, pointless process. Well, I've voted in every election I've ever been eligible for, and let me tell you this: out of all of them, this might well be the most exciting and unpredictable we've had in my lifetime. If the polls are to be believed (and with people running aggregates at faster speeds than they've ever done), the three major parties are still very much all in the race, and there's a huge chunk of undecided voters out there ripe for the picking. So listen up, because your vote matters, and I'm going to do my damndest to remind you of that ever day from here through October 19th.
Let's do this.
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| marke1996 via Compfight cc |
Today is my birthday, and there is one thing you can all do for me that would make me the happiest clam in the ocean.
Vote.
Today, advance polls are open 9AM-8PM in Alberta's provincial election, ahead of the final election day on Tuesday, May 5th (9AM-8PM as well).
For those of you who are concerned with watching the Flames play their hockey game at home, now is a good time to get this out of the way so you're not rushing around on Tuesday.
Voting is one of the most important things you should do whenever the opportunity presents itself. I barely update my blog these days, but I will do so to try to answer some of the questions you might have about why voting is important, and also to respond to some common objections I hear about the voting process.
What effect does the government have on my life anyway?
In point form, some quick things that our provincial government controls:
- your education
- your health care
- how much you pay in taxes
- your driver's license
- your liquor and tobacco prices/accessibility
- your ability to find a job
In other words, the government has a huge effect on your life. I can guarantee you that the government has a daily effect on the things you buy, the services you use, and the job you go to. Are you going to take control of your life, or let someone else dictate it for you?
How does my vote matter?
You vote for a person to represent your interests, and your community's interests, to the rest of the province. You ensure that your complaints are being heard when you cast a vote for the person you think will listen to you and respect you.
In the last byelection, the PC candidate in Calgary West won over his WRP rival by less than 300 votes. That might sound like a lot, but let me ask you this: how many Facebook friends do you have? How many twitter followers? Is it pretty close to 300? Maybe more? Maybe a lot more?
Every vote matters because you and the people in your life matter. When you encourage yourself and the people around you to vote, you can change an entire election.
OK, but my candidate's party is never going to win anyway!
So? What matters is if you think your candidate is going to represent your interests. The ruling party may have voting power in the Legislature, but every MLA has an opportunity at one point or another to address their concerns to the government.
If you need more proof of how public pressure and a few MLAs in opposition can make a difference, look no further than when the government passed leglislation on GSAs. The government, strictly speaking, did not HAVE to do that. But they did it because a handful of minority MLAs, mainly Liberals, stood up and made their voices heard. They galvanized the public and made sure the government heard the public too.
They didn't have to win the election. They just had to listen to the people they represent.
But I don't like any of the parties!
There are NINE PARTIES running in this election. To be fair, not all of them are running candidates in every riding, but three are, and they represent a broad spectrum of opinions between them: The PCs, the NDP, and the WRP.
The issues are complicated, yes, and you may not find someone who agrees with you on every little thing. But you should absolutely exhaust every option, try to find compromise, and cast your vote for the person who BEST represents your interests.
If, ultimately, you still feel that none of the candidates in your riding represent your interests, for whatever reason, you should still vote. And spoil your ballot.
Spoiled ballots are counted and tallied just as every vote for a candidate is. If a significant portion of voters were to spoil their ballots in a riding, that would send a message that you feel your interests are not being represented fairly. The winning candidate would be wise to address this demographic, because they will need their support if they expect to continue governing.
Now, a couple of common complaints I hear about the voting process:
What if I don't have a piece of ID?
If you are on the list of Electors, either from the last time you voted or the last time you filed your taxes, you do not need ID to vote.
If you are not on the list of Electors, you still do not need ID. You can substitute two pieces of approved material from the list at this link. These include things like Bank/Credit Card statements, personal cheques, correspondence issued by a school/university/college (great for young students with no driver's licenses), and much, much more.
But voting takes too long! I don't have the time
From your arrival time at the station, voting literally takes a matter of minutes, even if you are not on the list of Electors. In the Calgary area alone, there are at minimum 6 voting stations per riding. The smallest riding, Highwood, has 6 polling stations for approximately 2,000 people. That is roughly 333 people spread across 5 days of voting, for 67 people per day. The stations are open 9AM-8PM, or 11 hours. That's 6 people per hour. Even if we assume normal peak periods from work days, etc., you are NOT going to see huge lineups at the polling stations. Voting DOES NOT TAKE LONG.
If your work day extends over the election day, your employer is required to give you three consecutive hours of time to vote. As the polls are open 9AM-8PM, this means that if you either start your day at noon (thus giving you a window of 9AM-12PM), or end your day at 5PM (thus giving you a window of 5PM-8PM), you are not entitled to this time off.
If, however, your work extends over these hours in any way that does not give you three CONSECUTIVE HOURS, your employer must grant you the time in some way to allow you to vote.
Further answers to frequently asked questions may be found here, on Election Alberta's website.
The polls suggest this will be one of the closest elections in Alberta's history, and could change the shape of our province for years to come. Only your vote decide the course we take.
Vote for the Progressive Conservative Party. Jim Prentice's budget may be a hard pill to swallow, but they're making the right, responsible choices while protecting our industry, small businesses and heritage.
Vote for the Wildrose Party. They are the only party determined to hold the line on taxes, and will cut the areas that the other parties refuse to touch. They promise to find places to trim while keeping your services intact.
Vote for the New Democratic Party. It's high time we ditched the flat tax rate and started taxing those who can afford it. We deserve better services, and we have to find money to pay for them.
Vote for the Liberal Party. You agree that mandatory vaccination would be one way to send a message that you don't support anti-vaxxers. And the universal daycare/kindergarten system would be great for your kids.
Vote for the Green Party. Everyone else is ignoring the environment. Only the Green Party is committed to having our province meet carbon emissions targets and diversifying our energy industry.
Vote for the Alberta Party. They've been campaigning as a voice of moderate progressives, and want to stop subsidizing private schools at the cost of the public school system. At the same time, they want to protect small businesses by cutting taxes. They're a good midpoint between the hard lines.
The action you take in a voting booth, a process that literally lasts minutes, can have an impact that lasts a lifetime. So if you won't do it for my birthday wish, do it for yourself.
Vote.
Vote.
Today, advance polls are open 9AM-8PM in Alberta's provincial election, ahead of the final election day on Tuesday, May 5th (9AM-8PM as well).
For those of you who are concerned with watching the Flames play their hockey game at home, now is a good time to get this out of the way so you're not rushing around on Tuesday.
Voting is one of the most important things you should do whenever the opportunity presents itself. I barely update my blog these days, but I will do so to try to answer some of the questions you might have about why voting is important, and also to respond to some common objections I hear about the voting process.
What effect does the government have on my life anyway?
In point form, some quick things that our provincial government controls:
- your education
- your health care
- how much you pay in taxes
- your driver's license
- your liquor and tobacco prices/accessibility
- your ability to find a job
In other words, the government has a huge effect on your life. I can guarantee you that the government has a daily effect on the things you buy, the services you use, and the job you go to. Are you going to take control of your life, or let someone else dictate it for you?
How does my vote matter?
You vote for a person to represent your interests, and your community's interests, to the rest of the province. You ensure that your complaints are being heard when you cast a vote for the person you think will listen to you and respect you.
In the last byelection, the PC candidate in Calgary West won over his WRP rival by less than 300 votes. That might sound like a lot, but let me ask you this: how many Facebook friends do you have? How many twitter followers? Is it pretty close to 300? Maybe more? Maybe a lot more?
Every vote matters because you and the people in your life matter. When you encourage yourself and the people around you to vote, you can change an entire election.
OK, but my candidate's party is never going to win anyway!
So? What matters is if you think your candidate is going to represent your interests. The ruling party may have voting power in the Legislature, but every MLA has an opportunity at one point or another to address their concerns to the government.
If you need more proof of how public pressure and a few MLAs in opposition can make a difference, look no further than when the government passed leglislation on GSAs. The government, strictly speaking, did not HAVE to do that. But they did it because a handful of minority MLAs, mainly Liberals, stood up and made their voices heard. They galvanized the public and made sure the government heard the public too.
They didn't have to win the election. They just had to listen to the people they represent.
But I don't like any of the parties!
There are NINE PARTIES running in this election. To be fair, not all of them are running candidates in every riding, but three are, and they represent a broad spectrum of opinions between them: The PCs, the NDP, and the WRP.
The issues are complicated, yes, and you may not find someone who agrees with you on every little thing. But you should absolutely exhaust every option, try to find compromise, and cast your vote for the person who BEST represents your interests.
If, ultimately, you still feel that none of the candidates in your riding represent your interests, for whatever reason, you should still vote. And spoil your ballot.
Spoiled ballots are counted and tallied just as every vote for a candidate is. If a significant portion of voters were to spoil their ballots in a riding, that would send a message that you feel your interests are not being represented fairly. The winning candidate would be wise to address this demographic, because they will need their support if they expect to continue governing.
Now, a couple of common complaints I hear about the voting process:
What if I don't have a piece of ID?
If you are on the list of Electors, either from the last time you voted or the last time you filed your taxes, you do not need ID to vote.
If you are not on the list of Electors, you still do not need ID. You can substitute two pieces of approved material from the list at this link. These include things like Bank/Credit Card statements, personal cheques, correspondence issued by a school/university/college (great for young students with no driver's licenses), and much, much more.
But voting takes too long! I don't have the time
From your arrival time at the station, voting literally takes a matter of minutes, even if you are not on the list of Electors. In the Calgary area alone, there are at minimum 6 voting stations per riding. The smallest riding, Highwood, has 6 polling stations for approximately 2,000 people. That is roughly 333 people spread across 5 days of voting, for 67 people per day. The stations are open 9AM-8PM, or 11 hours. That's 6 people per hour. Even if we assume normal peak periods from work days, etc., you are NOT going to see huge lineups at the polling stations. Voting DOES NOT TAKE LONG.
If your work day extends over the election day, your employer is required to give you three consecutive hours of time to vote. As the polls are open 9AM-8PM, this means that if you either start your day at noon (thus giving you a window of 9AM-12PM), or end your day at 5PM (thus giving you a window of 5PM-8PM), you are not entitled to this time off.
If, however, your work extends over these hours in any way that does not give you three CONSECUTIVE HOURS, your employer must grant you the time in some way to allow you to vote.
Further answers to frequently asked questions may be found here, on Election Alberta's website.
The polls suggest this will be one of the closest elections in Alberta's history, and could change the shape of our province for years to come. Only your vote decide the course we take.
Vote for the Progressive Conservative Party. Jim Prentice's budget may be a hard pill to swallow, but they're making the right, responsible choices while protecting our industry, small businesses and heritage.
Vote for the Wildrose Party. They are the only party determined to hold the line on taxes, and will cut the areas that the other parties refuse to touch. They promise to find places to trim while keeping your services intact.
Vote for the New Democratic Party. It's high time we ditched the flat tax rate and started taxing those who can afford it. We deserve better services, and we have to find money to pay for them.
Vote for the Liberal Party. You agree that mandatory vaccination would be one way to send a message that you don't support anti-vaxxers. And the universal daycare/kindergarten system would be great for your kids.
Vote for the Green Party. Everyone else is ignoring the environment. Only the Green Party is committed to having our province meet carbon emissions targets and diversifying our energy industry.
Vote for the Alberta Party. They've been campaigning as a voice of moderate progressives, and want to stop subsidizing private schools at the cost of the public school system. At the same time, they want to protect small businesses by cutting taxes. They're a good midpoint between the hard lines.
The action you take in a voting booth, a process that literally lasts minutes, can have an impact that lasts a lifetime. So if you won't do it for my birthday wish, do it for yourself.
Vote.
Dating is hard, you guys.
Oh, I know that these days it's supposedly never been easier to meet people, though if we're being completely honest it would be far more accurate to say that it's never been easier to creep the every-loving-hell out of people from their body measurements to their social security numbers. Online dating has changed everything, folks. Nowadays, you're almost best served to send a robot out to consult with other robots to find the perfect match, chirping in their binary tongue that "MY CLIENT DOES NOT LIKE ORANGES" or "MY CLIENT HAS A NET ANNUAL INCOME OF >$30K." I like to picture them performing their "IF/THEN"criteria in a giant maze, bouncing off each other and the walls that various sites have thrown up arbitrarily like adorable little robot mice, scrambling for that final piece of cheese.
If I sound bitter, I'm actually not. It's my own fault, you see. I send my own robot into the maze with what may be the most difficult programming there is: "MY CLIENT DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN."
In the world of dating, this may be the atom bomb of all bombs to be dropped before, during, or after a date. It ranks up there with "I am a huge fan of the collected fiction works of Ayn Rand" or "My dick actually twitched a little to 2 girls 1 cup." (for the sake of your own sanity, DO NOT GOOGLE THIS IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT IS) When I drop this bomb, I have received a colourful variety of reactions, and none of them have been good.
Only in recent days have I realized that I could chart them the same way one charts the Five Stages of Grief. Which, in retrospect, makes perfect sense. Who wouldn't grieve the Schrödinger's loss of my might be/might not child? Obviously (*OBVIOUSLY*) they all must be mourning the sharp cutoff of my tremendously vital DNA.
So...
1. Denial
"Oh, come on, of course you want kids."
I'm not sure what people expect to happen when they say this to me. Do they expect me to slap my forehead in surprise, stammering in shock and awe: "My God, you're right! I DO want kids! Phew, I must've had a weird blackout there or something, good thing you came along and set me straight." Or maybe they think I'm making some kind of joke? But...what would the punchline be? "HA! Yep, you got me! Everyone wants kids! Anything to the contrary is such obviously bizarre deviant behaviour that it could and should be greeted with immediate and insulting disbelief!"
2. Anger
"That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard."
Wow. You'd be amazed how often people say this to me when I tell them no, I'd prefer that my freak seed remain inside my loins and not be inflicted on a hapless world. SELFISH. Forget never donating money or time, forget telling homeless people to get a job and a shave and to contribute to the society that they are so clearly leeching off while they peel scabs of just-healed rat-bites from their bodies, THIS...THIS IS UNFORGIVABLY SELFISH. NOT WANTING TO HAVE A CHILD. YOU HEARTLESS FESTERING GOB OF TOAD MUCUS.
3. Bargaining
"Oh come on, give it a few years and you'll want one."
This seems like a rather bizarre investigative leap to make. How could they possibly know this? Do they have a direct channel to the ethersphere? A gypsy owes them a favour for saving their life in the Falklands? Are they GOD? I'm asking sincerely here, because if they know this one fact with absolute clairvoyant certainty, then perhaps they could also tell me how to play the stock market accordingly, because oil just ain't cutting it for me these days (come on you precious black gold I know you've got at least 50 years left in you!).
4. Depression
"That's sad."
It is, isn't it? I mean...Jack and Rose came from two different worlds, and despite the odds (and the incredibly, incredibly brief span of time they knew each other) they came together onboard a ship and they formed a bond of love that truly spanned the test of time only to have it snatched cruelly away by mountains of ice and- oh. We're talking about something else, aren't we?
5. Acceptance
"..."
Hm? Oh, we haven't reached this yet. Darn.
Well that was a bit of a downer at the end, wasn't it? I hate to end on that kind of note...hmm...hey, you know what? It's Friday. And you know what Friday means?
Oh, I know that these days it's supposedly never been easier to meet people, though if we're being completely honest it would be far more accurate to say that it's never been easier to creep the every-loving-hell out of people from their body measurements to their social security numbers. Online dating has changed everything, folks. Nowadays, you're almost best served to send a robot out to consult with other robots to find the perfect match, chirping in their binary tongue that "MY CLIENT DOES NOT LIKE ORANGES" or "MY CLIENT HAS A NET ANNUAL INCOME OF >$30K." I like to picture them performing their "IF/THEN"criteria in a giant maze, bouncing off each other and the walls that various sites have thrown up arbitrarily like adorable little robot mice, scrambling for that final piece of cheese.
 |
| b_seven_e via Compfight cc |
"MY CLIENT LIKES PINA COLADAS AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE R-"
"ACCESS DENIED. JOKE HAS NOT BEEN FUNNY FOR YEARS."
"ACCESS DENIED. JOKE HAS NOT BEEN FUNNY FOR YEARS."
If I sound bitter, I'm actually not. It's my own fault, you see. I send my own robot into the maze with what may be the most difficult programming there is: "MY CLIENT DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN."
In the world of dating, this may be the atom bomb of all bombs to be dropped before, during, or after a date. It ranks up there with "I am a huge fan of the collected fiction works of Ayn Rand" or "My dick actually twitched a little to 2 girls 1 cup." (for the sake of your own sanity, DO NOT GOOGLE THIS IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT IS) When I drop this bomb, I have received a colourful variety of reactions, and none of them have been good.
Only in recent days have I realized that I could chart them the same way one charts the Five Stages of Grief. Which, in retrospect, makes perfect sense. Who wouldn't grieve the Schrödinger's loss of my might be/might not child? Obviously (*OBVIOUSLY*) they all must be mourning the sharp cutoff of my tremendously vital DNA.
 |
| theoriginalbman via Compfight cc |
So...
1. Denial
"Oh, come on, of course you want kids."
I'm not sure what people expect to happen when they say this to me. Do they expect me to slap my forehead in surprise, stammering in shock and awe: "My God, you're right! I DO want kids! Phew, I must've had a weird blackout there or something, good thing you came along and set me straight." Or maybe they think I'm making some kind of joke? But...what would the punchline be? "HA! Yep, you got me! Everyone wants kids! Anything to the contrary is such obviously bizarre deviant behaviour that it could and should be greeted with immediate and insulting disbelief!"
2. Anger
"That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard."
Wow. You'd be amazed how often people say this to me when I tell them no, I'd prefer that my freak seed remain inside my loins and not be inflicted on a hapless world. SELFISH. Forget never donating money or time, forget telling homeless people to get a job and a shave and to contribute to the society that they are so clearly leeching off while they peel scabs of just-healed rat-bites from their bodies, THIS...THIS IS UNFORGIVABLY SELFISH. NOT WANTING TO HAVE A CHILD. YOU HEARTLESS FESTERING GOB OF TOAD MUCUS.
3. Bargaining
"Oh come on, give it a few years and you'll want one."
This seems like a rather bizarre investigative leap to make. How could they possibly know this? Do they have a direct channel to the ethersphere? A gypsy owes them a favour for saving their life in the Falklands? Are they GOD? I'm asking sincerely here, because if they know this one fact with absolute clairvoyant certainty, then perhaps they could also tell me how to play the stock market accordingly, because oil just ain't cutting it for me these days (come on you precious black gold I know you've got at least 50 years left in you!).
4. Depression
"That's sad."
It is, isn't it? I mean...Jack and Rose came from two different worlds, and despite the odds (and the incredibly, incredibly brief span of time they knew each other) they came together onboard a ship and they formed a bond of love that truly spanned the test of time only to have it snatched cruelly away by mountains of ice and- oh. We're talking about something else, aren't we?
5. Acceptance
"..."
Hm? Oh, we haven't reached this yet. Darn.
Well that was a bit of a downer at the end, wasn't it? I hate to end on that kind of note...hmm...hey, you know what? It's Friday. And you know what Friday means?